Is it an easy or difficult process for you when attempting to make decisions? For many
people, the process can be extremely challenging and psychologically and emotionally
distressing. If you are someone who finds it easy, good for you! However, this blog is
targeting those who are finding it to be an extremely difficult process. The most
important ground rule to remember is to NEVER decide based off your emotions. You
will most likely be making a vulnerable decision that may come with a level of regret.
Make sure you are in a calm and peaceful space in your mind.
Your desires is not the same as your decisions. There is a big distinction between the
two D’s. Desires are driven by your feelings and emotions while decisions are more
concrete and logically based. Here are several ideas to help you with this process:
Make a ‘pretend’ decision for five days. During that time, write daily about how you feel about the decision you are pretending to have made. Don’t bargain with the decision. The more you buy into having made the decision, the more information you will receive about yourself. Consider the emotional sensations you experienced with previous decisions you made in the past made you feel good and compare your present sensations with your pretend decision.
Put aside the pressures of planning when it is causing you significant distress. It is most
likely causing you discomfort while attempting to decide. There are many decisions in
life that you will need to make, but choosing the best time for that process is vital.
Create separation between desire and decision by putting the decision to the sidelines until clarity of your desire is known. To do this, make a list of all your fears related to this decision. Then list all the specifics, or externals, in your life that you can’t stop thinking about (age, health, career, relationship status, etc.) Then put these two lists in an envelope and put that envelope out of sight. Do not look at it or entertain anything in it until you have clarity of your desire, and you know why you want what you want. The why is important, not because you owe anyone an explanation but because you need to know what is driving your desire from the inside out so that you can be honest with yourself.
Be kind and gracious to yourself during this process as you may become influenced
from outside sources. Do what you feel is right for you and be honest with your feelings.
If you need further assistance from a professional counselor, please contact our office
at 714-617-5955. We have qualified therapists to assist you in this process.