Is MARRIAGE for ME

It is one of the most difficult decisions to make in life today for young people. How do you know if marriage is right for you, now or ever! Although decades ago, marriage was more common, it does not appear to be the top priority in today’s world. If you are trying to decide if marriage is for you, it is important to gain a better understanding of your current marital mindset, which basically means, how do you view marriage.

There are 5 different marital mindsets that I would like to discuss: Resolute, Rational, Romantic, Restless, and Reluctant. Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott’s research team conducted interviews with more than 3,600 young adults (equal number of men and women) between the ages of 18-30 years old. The results indicated the following:

Resolute Mindset: 22% Rational: 23% Romantic: 19%

Restless: 22% Reluctant: 14%

To give you a better understanding of each marital mindset, I have identified each one with a clear explanation below:

Resolute Mindset has a marriage theme of “Divorce is Not an Option”. This merely means that when a couple marries, no matter what challenges they face, divorce is not brought up as a solution to their problems. They have a pro-marriage attitude and report that religion, beliefs, forgiveness, commitment, and value hold their marriage together.

Rational Mindset has a marriage theme of “Marriage is Hard Work”. This population takes a more practical approach to marriage, making this commitment with more caution. They expect the road to lifelong matrimony to have bumps along the way. They perceive marriage as hard work and know that they must pay the price to live happily with their partner.

Romantic Mindset has a marriage theme of “We’ll Live Happily Ever After”. They expect their marriage to experience passion and ongoing intimacy (forever). Romantics believe in finding their soulmate believing that there is only one partner that is right for them. They believe what holds marriage together is love and trust.

Restless Mindset has a marriage theme of “I Need More Time”. This mindset usually refers to individuals who have “ants in their pants”. They are not quite ready to settle down because they become too busy to explore their options. They are usually focused on fun and prefer not to take on more responsibility in their lives. They may marry in the future, but now is not the time.

Reluctant Mindset has a marriage theme of “Why Take the Risk”? These individuals are “not the marrying kind”. They lack the desire to get married, most likely because their parents were examples of how not to do it. It appears that lifelong commitment scares this group, therefore would rather stay single.

Now you have it folks, after reflecting on each mindset, ask yourself, do I want to remain single or get married?

Susie Ibrahim

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

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