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It’s the Little Things

This is something that I quite often convey to couples in my counseling office that are presenting a loss of emotional and sexual connection. Studies have shown that small changes in behavior result in positive outcomes in relationships. Dr. John and Julie Gottman have developed interventions on how to build a positive and lasting relationships. Through their extensive years of research, they have developed something called “Small Things Often” which have assisted many couples towards focusing on implementing small and thoughtful behaviors often while repairing conflicts as soon as they arrive create a strong path towards increased intimacy, trusting, and satisfying relationships.


Here are some suggestions that the Gottman’s have proposed:

  • Prior to leaving each other in the morning, spend two minutes talking to your partner to discover at least one interesting thing that will happen in his/her day. Say your good-bye with a kiss that lasts 6 seconds known as the 6-Second Kiss.

  • Spend 5 minutes a day expressing what you appreciate about your partner. Share something you like about their personality and an actual incident that illustrates this characteristic

  • Catch your partner doing something “right” and let them know you are thankful

  • Send an email, call, or text to let your partner you are thinking about him/her

  • Place a love note in your partner’s car or purse

  • Kiss, hold, grab, and touch each other before parting for the day and before you go to sleep

  • Greet your partner with a kiss when they come home from work at the end of the day

There are many other ways to express your love to your partner, even during chaotic and busy days/nights. These small gestures of love and affection must be expressed by you and only YOU. Don’t allow room for an intruder to take your place in your relationship. God’s intent when creating Eve was for Adam to have ONE partner.


The Gottman Institute states, “We promise that if you practice these Small Things Often each week, you’ll see how quickly positive feelings can grow to create the kind of satisfying, close relationship you both want.





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