Tit for Tat (aka Quid Pro Quo)
How many of us get stuck in the rut of “I’ll start doing things for my partner when I start seeing he/she do stuff for me”. After all, we are all humans and love when things are done for us. But what will happen if you continue to wait and see no change? What change do you want to see to make you feel loved?
Here’s the answer to waiting, DON’T wait anymore! Change comes from within and starts with you. What did you used to do to show your partner that he/she is loved? What can you do now? What reactions did you used to receive when you did something kind or reached out to your partner in a silly and fun way? If you miss getting those positive reactions, you can do something about it. Remember the times when you were first dating? Did you send your partner loving, fun, or sexy text messages throughout the day letting him/her know that they were in your thoughts? Or were you the one who thought of a fun idea to do together over the weekend and planned everything out? What about making your partner lunch with a special note? If so, start doing them again! Don’t wait until tomorrow, start TODAY!
Strengthening the bond in your relationship starts with YOU taking that first step. When you start doing nice things again for your partner, make sure NOT to expect something in return. Do it because you want to, not because you want something back. It’s simple to get stuck in the cycle of keeping tally on one another. Research studies have proven that it doesn’t work. It can actually make things worse in your relationship. Recently, my husband of nearly 30 years, bought me flowers to show his appreciation of everything that I do. It was such a sweet gesture and he did it without expecting anything in return. I was touched and thanked him with a hug and kiss. Yes, he’s definitely a keeper 😊. The point of sharing this story is not to get all sappy, but to emphasis that I didn’t run out to the store and buy him something in return. However, there are times when he’s busy on a work meeting that I’ll make him breakfast and bring it to his home office. We don’t keep tally of who did what and when. It works!!
*Challenge: Wake up every morning with the thought of “What can I do today to make my partner feel loved?”
Susie Ibrahim
Licensed Marriage Family Therapist
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